The Problem
On the surface, Co-Dependency sounds like “Christian teaching.” Co-Dependents always put others first before taking care of themselves. (Aren’t Christians to put others first?) Co-Dependents give themselves away. (Shouldn’t Christians do the same?) Co-Dependents martyr themselves. (Christianity honors its martyrs.)
Compliance Patterns
As a Co-Dependent, you:
- Assume responsibility for others feelings and behaviors.
- ·Feel guilty about others feelings and behaviors.
- Have difficulty identifying what you are feeling.
- Have difficulty expressing feelings.
- Are afraid of your own anger, yet sometimes erupt in rage.
- Worry about how others may respond to your feelings, opinions, and behavior.
- Have difficulty making decisions. Are a perfectionist.
- Are afraid of being hurt and/or rejected by others.
- Minimize, alter or deny how you truly feel.
- Are very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
- Are afraid to express different opinions or feelings.
- Value others opinions and feelings more than your own.
- Put other people’s needs and desires before your own.
- Embarrassed to receive recognition and praise, or gifts.
- Judge everything you think, say, or do harshly, as never “good enough.”
- Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
- Do not ask others to meet your needs or desires.
- Do not perceive yourself as lovable and worthwhile.
- Compromise your own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others anger.
In its broadest sense, Co-Dependency can be defined as an addiction to people, behaviors or things. Co-Dependency is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things, and events on the outside. To the Co-Dependent, control or the lack of it is central to every aspect of life.
The Solution
Jesus taught the value of the individual. He said we are to love others equal to ourselves, not more than ourselves. The love of self forms the basis for loving others. The difference between a life of service and Co-Dependency takes several forms. Motivation differs. Does the individual give themselves and their service freely or because they consider themselves to be of no value? Do they seek to “please people?” Do they act out of guilt and fear? Do they act out of a need to be needed (which means they actually use the other person to meet their own needs; the “helpee” becomes an object to help the helper achieve their own goals).
- Co-Dependents learn to gain their self-worth through Jesus Christ.
- Christianity (The Bible) teaches that a person has worth simply because they were created by God.
- Your self-worth is not based on the work you do or the service you perform.
- Service is to be an active choice. Co-Dependents learn to “act” rather than “react.”
- Co-Dependents allow healthy Christian service to bring joy.
- Christian faith calls for balanced living and taking care of yourself.
- Co-Dependents learn to choose balanced behavior rather than addictive behavior and to allow others to be in charge of their own lives.
- Co-Dependents learn to live balanced lives; taking responsibility for their own health and well-being.
- Co-Dependents learn how to set and hold healthy boundaries and to set limits for themselves, not allowing others to compromise those boundaries.
- Co-Dependents learn to help others in appropriate ways, by allowing others to act independently, rather than making others dependent on them.
- Co-Dependents learn to be God-directed and be free from compulsiveness, knowing that God brings the ultimate results.
We chose to accept Jesus Christ!
We meet every Friday night
7:00-9:00 p.m.
at...Zion United Church of Christ
201 North Potomac Street
Hagerstown, Maryland 21740
Email: CelebrateRecovery@CMHAg.org
